Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Confession #16

I feel sad most of the times and whenever I do, I tend to feel the need of listening to certain people's voices to make me feel at ease again, as both of my baes' voices. Or my ex-bae. Or my ex-boyfriend.

"It's beautiful how some people can make us feel happy even at the times when we don't believe in happiness anymore"
- Anonymous

People would simply question me this- "Gurlllll, what's the need of having men in your life? why don't you just call your parents? Talking to your parents will help". No, thank you. Of course it is a fact that talking to parents will absolutely help, I won't deny it, but nope, I was not raised that way. My parents have raised me in the hard way, they don't entertain these petty stuff running through their lil girl's mind. I don't come from that kind of family which talks about everything to each other. Please understand that I'm not saying it in a bad way, I'm just explaining why I prefer not to talk to them whenever I feel sad or emotional or depressed.

True, whenever I feel sad or emotional or even depressed, the tendency for me to cry is high. And my mom's voice will always be the trigger. Every single time I call my mom whenever I'm not in a good condition, I can barely wait until she has finished her first word before I start to crack. Her voice is my weakness and I do realise that having my mom listening to me crying, it's not a good idea. I honestly feel like a loser every time I do so, I want to act all tough and strong in front of my parents. That's one of their expectations on me; to keep on staying strong no matter what. Plus, I will only make her worries about me if I tell her the truth. I can't do that to her, I don't have the heart to do that to her. There were times when I couldn't keep my feelings anymore and I burst rightaway once I heard her voice and she sounded so worried after that, I felt bad for it. I didn't mean to make her felt that way. It's hard enough for my parents having me as their child, I should not give them more hard times to deal with. That's why I always choose not to say anything to my parents.

That is why I need my baes.

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P/s: Remember when I said I didn't have one true girlfriend? I think I've found one now *wink*

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