Monday, August 8, 2016

Confession #14

Three years ago when I first started studying in the college I studied at, which was a private college, I knew that my mother wasn't really agree with me on this because it was a private college where everyone could get in. She kept comparing me with her friends' children, telling stuff about their children studying in public universities and such.

It hurt.

It hurt to be compared like that, especially by someone who you love the most. But I kept telling myself everything was fine; I wasn't entering a private college because I was that stupid, I got a place in a public university but I didn't like the program I got so I chose not to go there. I kept telling myself that I had the options, I chose and proceeded with it. I actually had the options. For years and years I kept telling myself that, trying to make myself felt better when my mother brought this shit up.

Too bad I can't do that anymore.

I didn't get a place in any public universities today. I already saw that coming and been wanting to further my studies at the private college I went to before but when it actually happened, a part of me broke because I realise that I can't defend myself anymore after this. I can't tell myself that I actually have options. I can't comfort myself whenever my mother brings this shit up in the future which I am completely sure she would bring this up.

And another part of me shatters.