Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Page 365 of 365

Vector Salam

Long time no see long time no see long long time no seeeeee. That is a song, if you wonder. I have not written anything since my previous semester break. What a bummer. Forgive me, vampires. I had been so busy during my third semester. It was a hectic one, I swear, but pretty sure the upcoming semesters will be worse than ever. Oh, and I dropped my CGPA. If I drop another 0.02, it would be a 'goodbye-NewZealand-you-lost'. I don't want that to happen so I think I have to work harder in the future. No more joli, kan? Tudien sembang.

Al-Fatihah kepada diri sendiri yang masih tiada kesedaran diri.

Today is December 31, 2014. A new chapter will be written starting from tomorrow. 2014 had been such a year for all of us Malaysians, and of course to ourselves as in individually too. The lost of MH370, the crashed of MH17, the flood tragedy, and the latest, QZ8501. Prayers and thoughts go to all the victims. 2014 is a remarkable year to everyone. Stay strong everyone.

La takhof wa la tahzan, innallaha ma'ana.

For me, I had been so happy watching other people furthering their studies abroad and I swear sending them off to airport really made me happy and sad at the same time. I was happy for them for studying abroad, while sad for myself for not going.with them. Sometimes I overthink simple things like this but well darling that's me. To Nad in Cardiff, Izz in Indianapolis, Erah in India, Zazli in Michigan, kaktini in Adelaide, Adeq and Awie in Russia, Izzat in Indonesia, Afiq in Manchester kot hahahahaha lupa, and Ady in Korea; stay safe and enjoy yourselves well! More people are following them, Asyraf Ramlan, Rafiq, Aifa, Nadsyam and others. Good luck! Hope to join you guys soon, in syaa Allah. It is not hurt to dream, is it?

By-the-way, I am going to turn 20 in 12 days!

I have been thinking about my birthday too much this lately lol I don't even know why. I have been predicting things that will happen on that day lol even though things are usually don't happen as I think they would be but daydreaming feels great. My birthday should be on the first day of class but since they postponed the registration, I will not going back to KL until 14th January. I thought if I was going to have my birthday there, I wanted a little escape from everyone in my college. I see it as a break from college life. I kinda have an issue with birthday, y'know. Nothing good ever happened on my actual birthday before since I was a kiddo, I celebrated it earlier or later than the exact day and the exact day always turned out to be one of the worst day of the year. So yes, I really can use a break on my birthday. And 2015 is going to be the first birthday I will celebrate at home since 2008. Sad, I know.

I want a small birthday party with The Basic and all four of my favourite men.

But it is impossible because Asyraf Ramlan is going to fly early January, Pan is going back to Arau on 11th, Ammar is not going to be back until 15th, Wanie is going to back to Perak of course, and I don't know about Mubin. Oh well I don't mind since it doesn't hurt to dream. Unless you start to assume things to work your way, and that would kill you.

I made a list of presents that I would like to give to myself hehe.

A red Axia but no hahahahahahaha Abah won't buy me any car. He told me to study hard so I can get a good job that will come with great salary and then I can buy any car that I want to. A little bit disappointed with the answer but what can I dooooo oh my, life is hard okay? Oh and I want three books that are going to cost me RM70+/- for each. Damn me and my expensive taste of books haih.

Book 1: Pieces of You by Tablo

I found RM70.00+/- as the cheapest

Book 2: Lullabies by Lang Leav

Usually RM60+ but I found a cheaper one

Book 3: Love & Misadventure by Lang Leav

Same as book 2

I wasn't a fan of Lang Leav but suddenly I found myself attracted to these books and I have no reason for my defense. But I really hope I could have all these books, especially the one written by Tablo. I bet it is as good as his songs. Dammit I need it so bad!

Oh and don't forget that we have lots of movies to look forward in 2015. Cheers!

Hope to travel, but not a wanderlust.
Love books, but ain't a bibliophile.

That's it. See ya when I see ya!

Sunday, June 22, 2014


Vector Salam

Since there is a fan of my blog who kept asking me to post a new entry (Fahmi) ehem and a silent reader who loves to read the old entries (Adlina), here am I, writing a new post for you guys to read. Or you may leave if you want to, I won't beg you to stay.

Annnnddddd, hello there.

I didn't want to post a new entry actually but I had nazar if I get good result for this semester, or another chance as we can say, I'll write a new one. So, you are reading this which means "Alhamdulillah, caek made it again" muehehehe. Thank God because He granted my prayer again so another 4 semesters to go and after that, the real journey of life begins. Begins. Batman Begins.

Actually, it has already begun but oh well you know what I mean.

I haven't write for a very long time so obviously I have lotssss of stories to tell but weirdly, I can't think of any right now. *sigh* As usual, I will let my fingers dance on this keyboard and write anything that they want lulz. Okay keep dancing, fingers! Let's give you something to read.

Do you wanna know what happened to me recently?

Okay. I am actually having fun (not really) enjoying at home because I'm in the middle of semester break. Fine. In the end okayyyy, in the end. *sigh* I'll go back to Maxisegar techenta this Thursday, can't wait to meet Kakjah! Ahahahahaha andddd you know it's a lie. I and The Lengais planned to move out from that Maxisegar by this coming semester but sadly, we haven't found the right house yet. Plus, we don't have enough people to rent a RM1100 fully furnished apartment at Pandan Heights so we end up stuck in Maxisegar with new juniors which I really can't tell if it's a good news or a bad news. What do you think?

Whatever you have in mind, keep it to yourself hehe.

As you can see, I changed my header and the song. Well, I am madly in love with Taeyang's new album Rise okay dah stop sat g hampa maki sebab masuk Kpop ahahahaha. And I have a gif of The Basic at the sidebar yay! You really have no idea how much I miss The Basic and cursing them everytime they refused to come and see me urgh. Back to the blog, hope you like the new header and the song. I keep changing the header and customize everything since I am getting older, so does this blog, well I think a blog should get matured too kan in line with the age of the writer ehek.

Yes, yes I know I am at the of my 'teen'

I'll be 20 next January, the oldest in The Lengais. After Afrinaa lah, of course ahahahaha. How fast time flies haih. It feels like it's only yesterday I came back from PLKN. Okay talking about time kan, time flew really fast during semester 2. I was getting through all the bullshits and the hectic semester well, I think. But I miss semester 1's classmates more. Not everyone but most of them lah. And I really love everytime we have small reunions though I am not talking to some persons yet I won't let them get me *flips tudung*

What else huh?

I really have nothing in mind right now except than the damages I caused at Mama's car and how rebellious I am right now but I really don't want to talk about it here. It's a family matter anyway. And I don't think I should promote my brother's business here. He is selling Lenovo's phones and powerbanks. Tart nenas too if you live around Alor Setar. But if you can insist, you can click here ----

Facebook: BT Ohana
Instagram: @btohana

Okay done with the promoting.

Can I tell you about my next semester? Oh what the hell, I'll tell no matter what you say. So, we have been using the pointer system at college and I believe everyone's college does use this GPA system. But we are arranged in classes according to the pointer. I don't really like the idea of this system but it wasn't that bad actually. So there's a news that says we can choose our own class for next semester just like at HELP University. It's good but everything has it own pros and cons. The cons for this new system is, we have to arrange our own timetable which I think it's kinda hard to do but I'll try to arrange everything well. In syaa Allah, I'll be in the same class with Ruby ihiks.

Ramadhan is coming.

It kills me to not breaking fast on the first day at home. Earlier this semester, most of us thought that our sem break would be during Ramadhan which later, we knew that we just fooled ourselves lulz because I'll register for the new sem this Friday and if I'm not mistaken lah kan, Ramadhan starts on this Sunday so yeah. What a great schedule I have.Plus, we only got 3 weeks of break for this semester k it's sad but let's be thankful hehe. And please pray for my new sem to be another great semester though I'm pretty sure it's gonna be more hectic than before.

Maybe I'm done. Are you okay with this, Fahmi Athirah Ad?

"I hope you will find your niche soon because otherwise people will never stop comparing!"
- The Rhymeweaver

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Confession #8

Bullshits. Bullshits are everywhere.

I was having a difficult time to let go of all the bullshits that happened to me recently. Well of course it was difficult for me since I am a freaking over-sensitive person who simply gives a damn to everyone who I call them as a 'friend'. Unless if we are not friends and I do not know you and you are a complete stranger to me so yes I won't give a damn about you. But in this case, it's different. That person is a friend. Though we're never close to each other but still, we never have any problem either.

Sadly, that kinda pissed me off.

The thing that I hate the most about social network is whenever you post or tweet something and you don't put any smiley or 'haha' or whatsoever that can express your feeling, people will easily misunderstood it and take it seriously since they are not listening to your voice or seeing your face expression. Even when those words are written correctly, people still will misunderstand it. And suddenly you got blamed and people started to get mad at you, like, for no reason. Isn't it sad? Plus, it came from a friend. Not a complete stranger. And I DID apologize, more than once.

So, I am clingy?

Someone left questions on my and was questioning about my 'clingyness' and I was like "Whaaaaaattttttttt?" ahahahahaha. Yeah man, I am clingy. But I am not that 'overly clingy' except lah when it comes to pan. Well, lantaklah boyfriend aku yang nak bising kenapa? *angkat kening double-jerk* Hahaha. But still, I don't know why did I find those questions are freaking ridiculous and funny lulz. Seriously. And I am currently smiling right now, literally.

Why did I find those questions were funny? And still are. *chuckles*

First thing first, the person said something like this lah "Asyik nak berkepit je. Kau tak reti nak independent ke?" Oh well not as accurate as the original one but it has same meaning. Lulz, 'asyik nak berkepit'? Seriously weh? Because you are the first person who says such thing to me *clap clap* Ya lah since the question that I've been asked the most all these years is "Kenapa sorang?" or "Kenapa caek suka jalan sorang sorang?" and suddenly you said I 'asyik nak berkepit'. Wow. You really know me well, huh?

Just, wow.

Secondly, I was asked "Kau tak pernah tanya ke mana tau diorang rimas?". It is a normal thing lah. I am pretty sure all of you have at least one good friend who makes you 'rimas' but you never have the intention to get rid of her or him. Plus, I am only being clingy with those who I am close with. And those people are currently living or studying far away from me. Like my four favourite men, The Lengais, The Basic and that's it. Except The Lengais lah yang tu sebilik sekarang lulz. Being clingy means asyik nak berkepit, asyik nak text la apa la kan? I only become like that when it comes to Pan. And as I said just know, boyfriend aku kan bukannya boyfriend hang lulz nak bising dah kenapa? Ahahahaha.

To the others, nope.

My four favourite men -- Pan is my boyfriend so let's skip him. Mubino? I asked him and he is fine with me and he loves me and dude, he is my twin. Please lah. Ammar? We are rarely text each other. But at least once a month lah and he loves me too. Acap? We rarely text either. Just contact each other once awhile. And he is as clingy as me either. Back then at maktab, Pan Mubin and Ammar always came to accompany me whenever they saw me alone. So yeah, berkepit la jugak. Acap? Only at PLKN. He is one of my life saviour back then at PLKN. And still is, sometimes. But now, all of us rarely see each other.

Basically, they love me more than you know.

The Lengais -- Yeah yang ni memang aku asyik berkepit, but only after class. All of us were in different classes and barely saw each other at college. I used to walk back to Maxisegar alone, literally walked. Maybe you can count that as 'independent', huh? It's not I want to berkepit much, it's more to penakut. I'm afraid to get in the elevator alone, even the toilet. I am being paranoid of this 'supernatural' thing but lantak lah bukan aku call hang suruh hang mai teman.

I asked them and they love me either.

The Basic -- Wanie ja lah since I already talked about Pan and Ammar. I know Wanie well. I can know when she gets rimas or something because I made her mad before so no problem for me. And we rarely text each other too.

She loves me, of course.

So the conclusion here, you don't know a thing about me yet you keep saying thing to me and blabla seriously weh? Get a life and grow up. Stop getting mad everytime you get offended. Try to control yourself. Please lah.

"Buat bodoh dah la Syahirah. Toksah dok ambik kisah la pasai benda benda bodoh macam ni."
- Hanani Fauzi

"Benda bodoh memang ada dalam dunia ni. Layankan saja"
- Athirah Mahmud
"Buat bodoh ja. Depa bukan tau pa pun"
- Asyraf Rosli
I do get offended whenever a friend keep follow and unfollow nih. But if I really annoyed you that every single tweet or every single post of mine really annoyed you and simple pissed you off, just unfollow me. Easy. Ya la dah meluat sangat kan?

Oh well, haters gonna hate kan?

Monday, February 10, 2014

Confession #7


Everyone will face death one day. No matter how far you run, you still going to die sooner or later. Kan? Because we belong to Him, our Creator.

Actually, I don't really want to talk about death in this entry. Thinking about death itself pun makes me die slowly haih.

I want to talk about arwah tok.

Frankly speaking kan, the more I think about this, the more I realize that I don't really get over about her death yet. It has been four years. I have live without her for fucking four years!

It is so unbelievable.

After tok died, I burst in front of Mama once, the night tok died and after that never again because I know it will only hurts her more. Even now pun whenever she hears a song about death pun she'll cry. And I understand how she feels, she's the last child.

Can you feel that?

Arwah tok has her own comb. A teh-O ais colour of comb. And after she died, I took the comb. I use it since then and now and I am still using it. Even her clothes, I told Mama that I want them. Those remind me of her. I don't know if I am actually torturing myself or what but what I know is I miss her. A lot. Like seriously a lot.

It breaks my heart every single time.

Last week, I was doing my Grammar assignment and suddenly there was a sentence 'The old man walks with a stick' and I was like 'Tok pun guna tongkat jugak. Eh lama tak sembang dengan tok,  nak call tok ah' and I did pick up my phone and was about to dial Mama's number and ask her to pass the phone to Tok but then I realized that … she's gone. She's gone for years and why was that happening to me? I cried so hard that night but I didn't call Mama.

It really really breaks my heart.

Ever since then and now, I always think of her out of the blue. She suddenly pops into my mind and then my heart sinks and I cry and things go on. I don't mean to cry. It just happens just like that.

What can I do about it?

O Allah, I'm sorry for being so sad about You took her away from me. I know You love her more than I do. Please take care of her and forgive our sins. Aaminnn.

Friday, January 3, 2014

#Review : 2013

Vector Salam

Ehem. I know I'm quite late but hey, better late than never right? Everyone posted about their New Year's resolution but no, nope for me. I haven't completed my previous new years' resolution lulz so I don't bother to have a new one. So here's a review on my 2013.

1. PLKN - Kem Lagenda Seri Negeri, Langkawi

Delta! I miss Delta so much and those people homaigod! I cried before I went there but then I cried again when I was about to leave them. The memories, experiences, friendships, they are priceless and indescribable. PLKN taught me to befriend with girls ahahaha. Serious talk aku cakap, if you're not chosen for this, you're so unlucky. I give you my words. And the best part is, I added a guy in my 'guy-bestfriends-list'. Asyraf Ramlan, a person that I've known since I was in form one but never talk with and now he ends up as one of my favourite guys. Life is so unpredictable, kan?

2. Result SPM

The only result that made me cried so far ahahaha. I cried because I'd let my parents down and could barely forgive myself for this *sigh* and this thing still haunting my life.

3. Favourite girls

Another girls after PLKN! Well, PLKN taught me to befriend with girls so when I went to KL I kept telling myself to throw away my old behaviour yang cukup susah nak kawan dengan perempuan so yes, I made it. I think so. Aniem Inaa Nanie: the reason that makes me keep holding on because they can never take care of themselves, they are so lengai you know so I have to be the 'mummy' to handle these lengais.

4. Section 11

Another awesome people that light up my year! I admit it, to socialize with them was kinda hard okayyy for a person who is suffering from pistanthrophobia like me lah so I spent my time all alone during gap ahahaha but now, not anymore. How I wish we will be together till the very last sem, and lecturers are the same ones that teach us from start till end *sigh*

5. Wishlist

So I'd checked two of my wishlist, a lightstick and a sweater hehehehe. Looking forward to buy more!

6. New baby

November 25th 2013, my sistah gave birth to this new baby, Ahmad Riyadh Izzudin. So, you were the one that had been in my sistah's belly for months and made her extremely exhausted all the time? You kinda worth it hehe. Welcome to the family, homie!

7. Love life

We're getting stronger, I think, even though tiap tiap bulan aku asyik mintak break macam hapa ja lagi ahahaha. I know, my bad. I couldn't handle my temper. I need my punching bag :( Thank you for staying this long. Sorry for everything I'd put you through. Hearthang 


So let's do it