Monday, March 26, 2018

Surprise


I have never been fond of birthdays since the ones I ever had were nothing good. All the bad things could have happened to me and they decided to drop the bombs on my birthdays so yeah my birthdays have always been some shitty days since forever. Guess my existence alone is shitty enough.

But that is not the point here.

On the last March 13th which was a Tuesday, I went through my day as usual. It was a hectic one, deadly tiring as usual. My schedule was packed since the morning, a lil bit of rest in the evening, and later at night, a meeting and then straight away to a tutorial class. But that tutorial was a casual one so we had it moved to an opened café. I was a bit late for the tutorial because I was attending a meeting. It was nothing odd. I made it to the meeting and went through it. When it was time to leave, Noraida said she wanted me to give her a ride. I said okay and started to walk to my car but then my arm was grabbed. Noraida said she needed to take her doughnuts in Hanani’s room. So me, Noraida, Hazwani and Sunisha headed to the back of the café – the shortcut to Hanani’s room. Out of the blue moon, as we were walking under the street lights in the dim light, in between of the café and the blocks, I could see my friends waiting in the middle of the pathway with balloons in their hands. And they started singing the Happy Birthday song. I was bewildered yet I started to sing along too with the “Whose birthday is it?” thought in my head. I literally had no clue. Noraida, Hazwani and Sunisha moved to the other side and started facing me – joining the others. I was more confused, “Was it for me? But it has been months?”. Just right in the moment, they mentioned my name in the song. I was sure then. It was mine lol.

What a great plan huh, celebrating it after two months?

But it was great. I liked how simple it was. They prepared me balloons, a slice of cake and a burger from The Kapit’s. Nothing festive about it, just us celebrating it in the dark. I like love that, really. But Caek-chan was being Caek-chan. I don’t know how to express the gratitude. All I can say is thank you. So, everyone – Hanani, Noraida, Hazwani, Aina, Sunisha, Atiqah, Hasni – thank you. You guys made my night and made me gained a kilo urgh but I ain’t complaining.



Friday, March 23, 2018

Alone


Alone yet rarely lonely. But there are times when the loneliness finds its way to seep into your veins without you noticing and wrap its cold fingers around your heart. As your heart is frozen in the coldness, your vulnerability would suddenly emerge on the surface. It reveals itself to the world, to anyone who might see it or not. And it would remain there until the coldness melted away, leaving the heart completely to pump blood again. You breathe of relief – your heart is warm again. But you and I, we both know that this is just a phase in an endless cycle. It would occur again at times you least expecting. Once it happens, you would be vacuumed into the hole of doomness and wish to do nothing but curl yourself in bed and then cry yourself to sleep.

Monday, March 19, 2018

Fallen Out of Love

They say the worst part of a breakup is when the love withers. The love lingers around in the air, torturing one to keep on reminiscing all the things that once made them happy but now do nothing but hurt them. Reminiscing the happy moments is now so painful because you certainly sure that it won’t be happening again, at least not with the same person. So you keep on repeating the same scenario in your head, just to rub in salt on the bleeding wound. It is painful – to hit the realisation that someone who used to be your source of happiness is now gone, together with a piece of your mystified heart. The love that lingers around you wraps your heart in its thin air, coating you with the broken past. It is dreadful, but you are the one who keeps giving it the power to get into you. You were ruined, tortured and believed that you could never have a sweet taste of happiness again. You convinced yourself that you did not deserve the happiness and had finally ran out of it. You believed you had used all your life line for the happiness you embraced in the past. But one day, you are awaken from your deep sleep. The tight feeling in the chest is now all gone. You thought of the past, trying to search for the ache you once had but failed. You don’t feel anything now. The heavy weight on your shoulders have been channeled into thin air. You feel lighter, way lighter than you have ever been. Even when you see the person, it doesn’t have the effects it used to have on you before. Your heart doesn’t flutter. There are no butterflies in your tummy. Your heart is not shattering again. You feel fine. You are fine. And that’s when you realise, that you have actually fallen out of love. 

Friday, March 9, 2018

Sound


Isn’t it amazing how sometimes noises can calm you down? Like the sound of rain pouring down to wet the Earth, as your heart beating together to its rhythm without you even realising. Like the sound of wave hitting the land, as it is a symbol of your raging emotions being washed away little by little. Like the sound of music blasting loudly through your headphones, as they are trying so hard to win over all the battles that are happening inside you. Like the sound of chaotic traffic when you are kilometers away, as the vehicles honk to each other selfishly and move noisily. Like the sound of fireworks, as for whatever reason they somehow provide you with contentment and satisfaction once they explode here and there. And like the sound of ceiling fan that is spinning above your head, as it makes your soul comes out from your body when you stare at it long enough. Maybe this is where the safe and sound actually takes place, maybe this is what the phrase actually means.