Friday, June 24, 2016

Yay? Yay!


My final result is out.

Alhamdulillah, I have finally managed to feel how getting 4.0 is lol. Don't get me wrong. I am not bragging about my pointer here, I am only telling my pointer here because it's the result for my practicum slash Teaching Practice so yeah most of my friends got 4.0 too.

What did/do I feel?

At first, I didn't feel excited about my GPA at all because I was so busy focusing on my CGPA. So when I saw there's no change in my CGPA, I looked up at my GPA. And then, there it was. My 4.0. But I felt nothing. I kept questioning about my CGPA. I ignored my 4.0. Plus, someone tweeted that 'it was only the practicum so yeah of course everyone got 4.0' bullshit. To make it worse, I let the thought got into me.

How foolish I was.

Later then after I gathered myself back, I thought about it again. So I thought that getting a 4.0 for practicum might be a common thing but duuuuuude I was suffering tortured in order to get that. It was one hell of a journey. I had migraine for the whole first month of practicum, I shed loads and loads of tears, I was greatly depressed (not to mention I was handling with my breakup during that time), I even burst into tears in class in front of my students (I knew it was so unprofessional to do so but I really couldn't help it by that time), I was struggling to do my lesson plans because I had no laptop for the whole practicum period so I had to borrow from my friends (thank goodness I was in evening session so I could use my friends' laptops whenever they didn't bring their laptops to school), financially unstable since we practicum teachers did not get any allowance and all expenses for teaching and projects including the worksheets were on us, I got negative vibes from the school and a lot more that I don't feel like stating everything here. But yeah after all those stuff I had gone through, I thought to myself- I deserved the result. I gained it.

"And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you (in favour): but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.'"

[14:7]

So now, let's pray for my degree, will ya?

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Self-Reflection

Almost a month ago, I bought this one book just because I kept seeing it everywhere and also because I loved the cover. Plus, I was on my way home from KL and had nothing to read during the journey so I decided to sacrifice one of my BB1M vouchers (which I spared to buy the whole The Mortal Instruments boxed set) to buy three local books.

One of them was The Other Side of the Coin written by Aiman Azlan and Ameen Misran.


When I bought it, I had no idea what it was about as there's no synopsis written at the back of the book. I assumed it was a motivational book. A common one. But of course I was wrong. I started reading it without having any idea in mind since I didn't even skim or scan the contents beforehand. I did that all the time, reading a book without knowing what it's about. So a few weeks earlier, I picked it up and read, finished it in a week.

My heart almost burst out from mah chest.

Why? Because I just realised that I was actually reading something religious. It is not a bad thing to read something religious. It was just that I thought I wasn't good enough to read one lol and of course I was wrong. You don't have to wait until you are 'good enough' to start reading one. This book is good for a beginner like me. The stories make sense, the approach used in it is acceptable, and it makes you think a lot about yourself.

Little did you know, you're doing self-reflection.

The contents are everything from our daily life, our normal behaviour. So it does help in every single way. The book is divided by two parts; Aiman Azlan's first and the followed by Ameen Misran's. To be honest, I prefer Aiman Azlan's approach more because I think he is tender compared to Ameen Misran's. Ameen Misran's is quite... forceful, I think? But both ways are still acceptable for me.

Urgh, I am really really really bad at reviewing a book!

Okay. Basically, if you want to do some self-reflections by reading something religious, you should try reading this book. It consists of verses from the Holy Quran and hadiths which can help or guide us in repenting our wrongdoings towards Him.

So....

Okay this post feels so wrong since it's written by a satan but urgh I hope you would try reading this book because I like it so much and I want you, whoever who is reading this, to like it as much as I do. That's it, I'm out!

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Did I Make The Right Choice?

Well, I think I did.

After all the wrecking phase I had gone through, I have finally found peace again. I managed to gather all of myself and plant my feet on the ground again. I succeed in surviving the pain and I am proud of myself because of it.

Most of all, I feel relieved.

I kinda find peace in being alone. Of course there would be times when I miss to have someone to talk about everything to but hey, I think I could survive that for now. At this moment, I am free to do whatever I want to without having to consider of someone's feeling. Well, I still have to think about people's feelings but you get the idea, don't you?

So yeah, I think am sure I've made the right choice.

"Relax your heart sometime after it has been used,
verily the heart will be blind when it is in hatred."
- Saidina Ali bin Abi Talib
(Aiman Azlan & Ameen Misran's The Other Side of the Coin)

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Ramadan Kareem

Everyone is being all excited, aye? Well, me too.

When I was younger, I used to love Ramadan because it meant we're going to celebrate Eid after that. Which also meant, we're going to have new stuff especially new clothes. That was one of the things that I would be looking forward to because I barely bought new clothes before. As I grow older, my intentions tend to change from time to time. And as for now and the previous few years, I would say that the thing I love the most about this holy month is because all the deaths will have some break from being tortured under there.

The deaths stop being punished for awhile.

Someone who was so close to my heart died 6 years ago and ever since then, I would be looking forward for Ramadan and not the Eid. This is my sixth Ramadan without her. I would be thinking about her a lot when it's Ramadan. It's not that I don't miss her during other months, it's just that Ramadan is the month I would be thinking about her the most. I barely get excited over Eid anymore. My heart aches whenever I hear takbir raya. I could be angry if someone was playing takbir raya before its time. 

I pity the deaths, I pity her.

I hope all of us could mend ourselves during this holy month. I wish I could get better too. Who doesn't want to be a better person, right? In syaa Allah, from time to time, things will be better, including ourselves. Salam Ramadan Al-Mubarak!

"O Turner of Hearts, make my heart firm upon Your way."
- Prophet Muhammad PBUH


Jeez, that sounds so wrong coming from a satan /facepalm/.