Tuesday, December 24, 2013

So ...

Vector Salam

It has been awhile. I've been spending my time in a very inappropriate way. More sleep, less bath, more Wifi, less talking. Lulz. Somebody please wake me up because September is wayyyy behind and January is just in 9 more days and then I'll be 19; the very last year before I reach 20s. In another word, I'm going to be a woman soon.

That is soooooooo unbelievable *facepalm*

As you know, I am currently on a leave. From college AHAHAHAHAHA k tak lawak. I've been home for weeks but I just started to write today. Forgive me. To be honest, I feel like the desire of writing is getting dull for no reason. Maybe because I already express most of my stories on Twitter. Thinking about this suddenly makes me hate Twitter -____-

The result came out a couple of days ago. I opened my CMS after midnight and I swear my hands turned cold once I started to enter my ID but there was nothing yet. The very next day I went to Perlis, followed Abah because he had a job there. Then I went shopping happily, a way to get rid of the result thingy. On my way home, Nani kept texting me, asking me about my result because the result was out. I was speechless and trying hard not to subscribe mobile data at the very moment ahahaha. Once I got home, I hadn't changed my clothes yet and quickly signed in into CMS. There. The result was there. And I started to scream out loud while showing the result to the entire family.

What can I say about this? I achieved my target. Wayyyy achieved. I never had a thought something like this would happened. Miracle did happened. Nani and Aniem said if something like this happens, it would be a miracle. This is something more than I deserve. Thank you Allah, for everything you'd give. Allah is giving me a chance which is what I can tell, it's another test. Higher expectations will be burden on my shoulder.

Higher expectations bring you deeper frustrations, remember? *sigh*

I did my calculation. I need to get at least 3.75 for each semester starts from next sem just to get 3.745 for my final CGPA and have a chance to further my study in New Zealand (which is something I've been dreaming of). And what kill me the most are, I just realized how hard this shit is and how much I want this. I am starting to scare the shit out of me. I am starting to freak out. I don't like to give myself a hope. I don't want to hope or having myself hoping for something as big as this. I'm afraid if I can't handle the failure. I'm afraid if once I knock down, I can never get up again. There are just too much things to afraid of.

"Jangan nak seronok sangat. This is just the beginning. 
Tougher things are coming."
- Sistah

I know, sistah. I know well. To be honest, the feeling of fear wins the happiness. I can't stop thinking about the future and having such a negative vibe on myself. I almost burst into tears the moment I realized how bad things are going to be. I'm stressing myself, making things worse. I need to calm myself, telling myself this is just another test and I need to nail this well. But what can I say, people won't stop judging.

And for those yang still curious tu, Alhamdulillah aku dapat dekan.

Congrats to everyone, no matter what your result is. My dearest Section 11, congrats everyone. I am pretty sure that we nailed them. Fighting. Let's fight to the very end. More adventures are waiting, more lessons to be learned. Keep calm and love Caek. The Lengais are going to New Zealand, insyaAllah. Aaminnn :')

And dear Ahmad Asyraf Ahmad Rosli, thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for the days we've been. Thank you for staying this far. Happy 29th monthsary, mokmok. Hearthang.

p/s: Hello girls, there is a man named Nazirul Mubin. He is sooo handsome like seriously someone should hitting on him *winkwink*

p/ss: Mubin yang paksa suruh tulis k bai.