Saturday, September 17, 2016


You have no idea of how many times I have tried so hard to keep everything at bay, to make sure all the negative vibes and the evil thoughts I have are buried so deep in myself. So deep that they can never get out even if they try to.

But I don't think I'm doing a good job at it.

Apparently, being nice is harder than it seems. Not that I am nice or anything but damn boy, who would guess that trying to restrain yourself from doing something demonic could be so hard that you just want to let it all out without bothering to bottle everything inside anymore.

The thought sounds tempting.

I've been keeping stuff to myself. I don't know yet if it's a good thing or not but nowadays I feel like there's no point of voicing out things that have been messing with my mind to other people. Of course it feels good to share it with people but I usually end up feeling like a freaking idiot. Which happens to be something tiring.

So I'm trying not to entertain my evil thoughts and the demons.

p/s: I hate that whenever I'm not writing I would have so many things drafting in mind but go blank whenever I'm actually writing.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever had this one person who once used to be everything to you, who once you loved like your life was depending on him/her, but now that you both got separated you couldn't help but felt nothing towards them? There weren't any deep feelings like those which you used to feel back then before everything got ruined and left you with... absolutely nothing. So you stood across them, you would look at them, talk to them, laugh with them, but there's not a single thing that could make you have all those feelings back. Not even one. Have you ever experienced that before?

Monday, September 5, 2016

Confession #15

I have been trying to figure myself out lately.

There were times when all I ever wanted to do was to shut down and kept distance from everyone that I didn't even bother to socialize with any human being- Why? Because I had too many things running in my mind but I didn't bother to share it with people.

There were times when I felt extremely sad that all I could do was grieving, crying and wept my tears away but I didn't want to spill it to anyone even though I knew they were right there, waiting for me to spill and would back me up no matter what- Why? Because talking about things that screw my mind would make things too real and I couldn't handle that, yet.

There were times when I felt the needs to talk to someone but at the very same time, I didn't want to talk to anyone- Why? Maybe because the ones who were there were not the ones who could give me the comfort that I craved for.

I am still trying to figure myself out; trying to answer the mysteries I have in me and the unsolved riddles. Life is complicated enough, and self being complicated too is not helping at all.

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