Friday, May 19, 2017

Kuala Lumpur

We only appreciate something when it is gone. Well, it’s true.

Often enough we take things for granted, no matter how small that thing is. And it is bad enough that all it takes to sober us up is to lose it. Just then we will miss everything, appreciate everything. It sucks to be that kind of human but sometimes we just can’t help ourselves.

And now, in this very moment, I really am missing Kuala Lumpur.

Some of you know how much I had been complaining about being in KL and stuff but yes, I miss being in KL right now. I miss being in KL so much that once I had to pull over at the roadside while driving alone at night on my way to dinner and everything just hit me up so bad that I had to call someone and cried my heart out. I can’t believe this myself but it’s the truth and it makes sense too because KL was a small part of me although I didn’t go to many places and barely remember the roads there.

I miss living in the old and creepy Institut Maxisegar building.

I miss being picked up or picking someone’s up whenever one of us came back passed our curfew. I miss watching TV in the living room with strangers. I miss waking up at midnight and saw Athirah’s sleepy face. I miss waking up to the sound of people opening and closing their lockers. I miss being awaken by my roommates for subuh. I miss spreading my body in the living room when it’s too hot to be in bed. I miss climbing up to my bed. I miss being taught kak Nur. I miss listening to Oya and Khalilah’s bickering. I miss being spoilt by Afrinaa. I miss Kak Aainaa’s songs. I miss receiving compliments about my hair and body from Shiraak. I miss having Hanani buying me food whenever I didn’t feel like leaving my bed. I miss eating maggi together with people from the other room. I miss the fun. I miss wearing matching ‘baju kelawar’ with Maxisegar warriors. I miss the bakso across the road. I miss being terrified together with the others when it was raining heavily or thunderstorms. I miss the view from the 12th floor. I miss seeing all of us running to the windows with our handphones in hands just to take pictures of the sunset. I miss watching them went crazy. I miss Oya and Ira’s wild dance. I miss the loudness.

I miss the college.

I miss the small college with elevators. I miss hanging out at UniKL and ogling guys. I miss the food around there. I miss eating chicken black pepper at the ‘tempoyak’ stall. I miss the crowd at those warungs. I miss waiting for RapidKL to go to classes. I miss walking back alone from college under the scorching hot sun. I miss the confusing plan of the building. I miss sitting on my favourite bench whilst listening to my songs and observed people.

I miss the circles.

I miss my girlfriends- MD. I miss going out with the girls to do whatsoever. I miss my lovely classmates. I miss the cool lecturers. I miss bumping into anyone from my high school. I miss eating lunch with Rafiq. I miss my Srikandas, eating dinner or whatever because they loved me too much. I could tell. I miss going back to Keramat for once in awhile. I miss having packed schedule- my friends had to make appointments with me for dinner because I always had company lol. I miss seeing some people. I miss receiving surprise visits from bae. I miss having lots of acquaintances.

I miss the trips.

I miss the impromptu trips. I miss the sudden trips with Afrinaa just for the sake of my book addict. I miss having something to look forward to for weekends like you had plans but you didn’t really had plans. I miss going to the hot air balloon fiesta with bae who came all the way from Johor just to cheer me up a bit. I miss buying books from Bookalicious and hearing Leon's laughs. I miss having someone to drive me around. I miss letting someone else driving my car. I miss just being the car while someone else's driving with nowhere to go. I miss going on bookstore hopping. I miss riding at the back of Ajoy’s housemate’s Grand Livina at 3 in the morning because Ajoy brought all his housemates just to send me off at the airport lol. I miss driving at the highways. I miss the fun I had. I miss being content.

I am missing everything.

Well, maybe, just maybe, I would probably feel the same way once I left Penang too. For now, I haven’t found any happiness here. Sure, I do feel happy at times but I can’t say if there are pure happiness in me or nope. Then again, I only found my true happiness in KL during my second year of diploma so it might work the same here too. I need to stay calm, still got another 3 years here lol. Everything will be fine at the end. I hope it will. I wish myself to be happy as it is. I wish I will stop sulking randomly.

Be happy, asshole.

Thursday, May 11, 2017


She is fire –
burning with high spirits and strong passions,
bravely wearing her heart on her sleeves
whilst heating up every inch of the entire space
no matter where she sets her foot on.

She is water –
looking so fragile and unbelievably calm,
like a heartless soul, like a weak woman,
yet she can be rougher than ever
and when she does, we will eventually drown.

She is earth
naturally bows to almost everything and everyone,
very much humble but never timid,
always everywhere to offer strength,
lifting others up when they’re about to fall.

She is air
sometimes can’t be seen but the presence is felt,
touching other’s hearts like the nice morning breeze
and wrap them in the embrace of great comfort
so their hearts will be cool but as warm as hers.