Monday, January 8, 2018


She is many
content in one body.
She wears her heart on her sleeve –
so easy to be read
as the sight of weather changing,
so pure, so naïve.

On some days,
she is calm –
As the shy sunshine
prying behind the clouds
with the soft wind
flowing the hair tenderly
offering comfort to others.

On some days,
she is happy –
Smiling cheerfully
as the bright sunlight
glowing everything underneath
warming people’s hearts
without wanting anything in return.

On some days,
she is drizzle –
Pouring lightly
as wanting to be noticed
but afraid of reactions
so she walks slowly
with her eyes sticking on the ground.

On some days,
she is hurricane –
Letting go everything bottled inside
as the rough wind
crashing all on its way
screaming to be heard
or begging for the pain to stop.

She is just like the weather –
She can give you both
either light
or darkness.

Friday, December 29, 2017

2017 Wrapup

2017 is indeed the worst year for me – mentally, emotionally and physically. However, this year is the year which I have finally stepped out from my comfort zone. I tried things that I had never done before. It feels like I was embarking on my own journey in searching for my true self. It is a self-discovery and self-healing year all at once. Am I healing? I think I am, although there are times when the wave hits me harder than before. So here’s the lists of my highlighted events occurred in 2017.

The good ones.
  1. Became an exco in St. John (never held a position this important in my life lol).
  2. Started loving myself more. Still ain’t enough, but better than before.
  3. Going out more often.
  4. Smiling more. And actually meant it.
  5. Discovered a new favourite place to chill.
  6. Met Yeob and Aben.
  7. Went hiking for the very first time – Moon Gate 5, Penang. Hope it’s not going to be the last one too lol.
  8. Fell in love with the sea. Hard.
  9. Iftar at the beach for the very first time.
  10. One of my best men is finally back in Malaysia.
  11. Met new lovely people.
  12. Nailed my second semester.
  13. Cut off some toxic people.
  14. So many good things happened to the people I love.
  15. Became more self-centered lol because why not.
  16. Been participating in events as a secretariat.
  17. Finally involved in publishing work!
  18. I have been looking at the sky more than the ground.
  19. *cough* SUKSIS *cough*
  20. Got better in socializing with people.
  21. Youngbae and Hyorin’s engagement.
  22. Letting go.
  23. More blunt.

The not-so-good ones.
  1. Became distant with people whom I actually care because uh they’re toxic.
  2. More haters since I’m more well-known now lololol blame those events.
  3. Still that thickheaded hot-tempered Caek.
  4. Did not have a proper family photo for eid.
  5. Been eating Samyang and maggi wayyyyy too much.
  6. Failed to get hostel.
  7. BIGBANG’s long hiatus.
  8. Tabi’s scandal.
  9. SHINee's Kim Jonghyun’s shocking death.
  10. Still stuck with some toxic people.
  11. Overslept on an important day and ended up troubling my friends.
  12. Got random mental breakdowns from time to time.
  13. Got mental breakdowns in public and couldn’t stop the flowing tears.
  14. Got rushed into ER due to hyperventilation (I know it’s petty but I was terrified af, still am by the way).
  15. Got mental breakdown for a week – was MC on the first day, went to class on the next days just to come back crying in my bed.
  16. Still a crybaby.
  17. Got sick too much.
  18. Required to go to the hospital regularly due to the unresolved mystery heh.
  19. Been skipping classes a lot. A LOT.
  20. More blunt.
  21. Lost someone who once told me that I got him. What a lost sobs.
  22. Still beating up myself for the stupid things done in the past.
  23. Haven't completely forgiven myself.
  24. Witnessed a close friend suffering due to paranormal stuff.
  25. Been forgetting the Creator.
  26. Became more selfish that sometimes I surprise myself.
  27. I feel like I actually haven’t learned a thing in my third semester.
  28. Got the worst carrymark in my life for my coursework.
  29. The worst acne breakout in my almost 23-year-old life.
  30. Skin becoming so bad.
  31. Pretty sure my third semester’s exam would be hell.
  32. Chubbier sobs.
  33. Still broke af.
  34. Haven’t done a single part-time job lmao fml.
  35. Still that Caek-chan who get attached too fast, has a heart made of glass lol.
  36. Once I have disliked someone, I can’t put a mask anymore. I show it crystal clear.
  37. Fooled myself at one point lol.
  38. Hit someone’s car.
  39. Less reading and writing.
  40. Been feeling uninspired to write.
  41. Haven't stopped procrastinating everything. 

So yeah, these are all I guess. It’s a good year but so many not-so-good events did happen in this year. I hope 2018 will be a better year for me, especially for my health. I have been asking for too many things from him yet I took my health for granted that I forgot to include healthy life in my prayers lol. He up there must be annoyed of me for requesting too much and being so greedy lmao but sokay He is the Ar Rahman and Ar Rahim.

Cheers to 2018.

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