Best Man

It was 2008 when we first met. You were in a different class but I was close with your classmate so I was always in your class for no reasons at all. You were close with her too. So we started to greet each other and talk.

We had become close.

You were nice, I liked you. I kept on going to your class, not to specifically meet you but seeing you would be nice. I tend to sit at your place and write stuff that I can’t even recall anymore now on your desk and you were so nice that you would neither erase them yourself nor let people did it for you. Once, your friend wanted to help you cleaned my doodles on your desk and all you said were “Let them be, later she would do it herself” because you know that I would erase my own doodles whenever I wanted to make a new one.

So I liked you even more – platonically of course.

You and me… we are both from the same hometown so when holiday came, we would be accidentally taking the same bus together all the way from school back to Shahab Perdana. I don’t know if you remember this but you used to help me carried my bags.

We had become closer.

My class was the worst class in our school’s history, the teachers went berserk and shuffled all the form 2 classes. You told me you would not know what to do if we turned out to be in the same class because of my clinginess. Yet your words came true – we got into the same class. Poor you.

And of course, we got closer.

As always, I would go to your place. To talk to you, to annoy you, or just to be there next to you. Little did I know, you have become the comfort I’d never had. You have forever refused to say things like “I miss you” but who am I to you to demand such thing but you also have never raised your voice to me. My lioness would turn into a kitten just at the sight of your angry face – that is how much I respect you and really think highly of you. There was this one time when I was in a bad shape and asked you to leave me a letter of comfort before you left for your rugby tournament and surprisingly I did get a letter. You have no idea how much it means to me, how your words managed to wrap my sadness.

You are always here and there.

You were there throughout my high school life. You are still here until now even when the high school has ended years ago, I will forever be grateful for this. You came all the way to Kuala Lumpur when I asked you to go to the hot air balloon festival together because you could tell that I was not in a good state. You helped me again. You always managed to see right through me, even at the times when I try to mask my pain. We rarely either talk or contact each other but I know you would always be there. Of course there are times when you hurt me – intentionally or not – but I guess it’s fine because it is not your fault I am an oversensitive lady lol. You do not really show me the affection yet you have always pampered me in your own way just like a brother taking care of his little sister but does not really want to make it obvious. There was this one time when I said it out loud to the girls at our school that you’re my best friend and one of them asked me back, “Does he think of you in the same way?”. The question managed to cut deep into my heart and it still hurts me to this day. To be honest, the question haunts me. There are so many things that I have been longing for you to say but I know well that it is better for me not to push my luck.

It has been 11 years.

It overwhelms to witness all the changes that are happening in both of our lives. You have reached the adulthood life, I am just a step behind. I see you loving your girlfriend and I swear to God I am sincerely enjoying the scenes. I cannot thank her enough for making you this happy and also for respecting the bond we have. People have been saying that a man and a woman can’t be friends but then there are you and me – an evidence the world has yet to see. We have grown, my man. You and I – both of us have grown to be fine adults now. Although I know the struggles would still take centuries until they are actually done messing with us, but I believe we have somehow happened to be good. We are good, my man.

Well, at least you are.

I won’t lie to you that it does not sadden me at all to see both of us drifting apart as we grow older but I need to understand that it is just another form of growth. We are still good despite the lack of communication. We barely talk once a month now. But we’re good, I believe it is. I have to, but I know you would agree with me.

And today is your birthday.

You have turned 24 years old today, same age as mine. But you have always been more mature than me. I pray nothing but the best for you. If I could pick the star for you, believe me I would. Because that is how much I think highly of you, respect you. I am your biggest fangirl after all. You deserve everything for staying with me this long, I wish I could give you the world just merely because you have been my comfort since day one – one I didn’t even realise I needed. I am here for you if you ever need me for anything. Anything at all. Have wonderful times ahead.

Happy birthday, my forever best man.