Girlfriend

Never thought I would be saying this- I wish I had a girl bestfriend.

One girl bestfriend who you could tell everything to.

One girl bestfriend who would be real to you.

One girl bestfriend who wouldn't put up an act in front of you.

One girl bestfriend who would support you and correct you when you did wrong.

One girl bestfriend who wouldn't talk or meet you everyday but would always be there for you.

One girl bestfriend who would never get sick of you.

One girl bestfriend who wouldn't tell you that everything's going to be fine because it's not.

One girl bestfriend who would make you felt like you two only belonged to each other.

Only one.

Just one.

I wish I had that one girl bestfriend just like Sloane to Emily, Kelsey to Bliss, Hermione to Ginny, Nad to Izz, Lily Aldrin to Robin Scherbatsky.

I used to have girl bestfriends when I was in primary school whom we would be having sleepovers at each other's houses and stayed up talking about boyfriends and stuff, or ended up talking for hours on the phone whenever we didn't have a sleepover although it's actually on school nights. Yeah believe it or not I used to do that up until I was in high school (with different person of course) but somehow it suddenly stopped.

It stopped because the feeling wasn’t mutual. I let them go.

It had never occurred to me that I would be missing them, or hoping that I could be spending my time with them again as I had always been occupied with my guy bestfriends. I had always thought that these two guys would be enough for me but as I got older and days passed, I had started to have deep thoughts about this matter and crave for a presence of someone whom I'd never really had.

The thought is stronger than ever now as I'm at the lowest level of myself.

I do have numbers of few close girlfriends but it doesn't feel like it. Yes we are close to each other but we are so different and the different somehow infuriates me. To be honest it's not the different that irritates me, the person is. It's the kind of different which one doesn't bother to know. Like you have this one interest but the other person does not feel the same way and she doesn't bother to listen to your rant. Sometimes I feel sad especially because I don't really have anybody to rant about my Jpop addiction. You can tell when one wants to listen to your rant or nope. It felt like I had been torturing them with my fandom shits just from the looks they had on their faces so I would try my best to not talk too much about my fandoms.

Is it too much to ask to have someone who would listen to me fangirling?

On the other hand, I do think it's better for me to not have any girl bestfriend lol. I get annoyed so easily when it comes to girls and sometimes I cannot handle their dramas. And frankly speaking, I get oversensitive when I become friend with girls. That's why I've been so comfortable with my baes (I call my guy bestfriends 'baes' because they are baes). Guys have less dramas so the only one who would be coming up with the drama is me. And I would be less sensitive whenever I'm with guys. They have no choice but to entertain me that I have to admit that I actually sympathise them from time to time lol. I am actually my baes' favourite nightmare which they have to love unconditionally no matter what- even though sometimes they forget the fact that I'm a girl.

Yep, for them I’m their ‘bro’ but they still act all protective over me *sigh dreamily*

One more reason why I’m better off without a girl bestfriend- I constantly want to shut down. There’s this one girl who has always been so thoughtful of her friends that sometimes it annoys me as she keeps on bugging me to talk when I actually don’t feel like talking at all. I just want to shut down and get drowned in my own thoughts but she just doesn’t get it. I swear there were times when I would get pissed lol. Aaaand she is not interested in my love life or anything that interests me so yeah, the bond is so fragile. The chemistry is not really there. So I am treating her the same way by putting limit on us. She’s fine, but she is totally not the one whom I’ve been longing for.

Know what, too bad I can't have physical contacts with my baes.

So there's another reason why I have been longing for a girl bestfriend nowadays- to hug and slap them whenever I feel like doing so. Nah I'm just kidding but yeah I'm a hug person, of course I want to hug my favourite people especially after not seeing them for awhile. And sure, I am in need of a girl's perspective in heartbreaks looooool what the fuck am I talking about, I'm high okay this must be caused by the caffeine I consumed just now. Gotta stop now, I'm out! *drop mic*

Wait a minute.

Please appreciate it if you're a girl and you have a real girl bestfriend because I envy you for that even when I know I don’t deserve to have one I am actually better off without having one.