Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Empty

I feel empty. Totally empty. Before I finished my diploma, I had everything planned. I thought I would be binge watching dramas and videos and slay my tbr (to-be-read) pile during my 3-month break but go self, everything didn't go as planned. Obviously *roll eyes*

Guess I am not a person with a plan.

So now I feel so empty. Not really actually. It feels like I have so many things going on in my head and so many emotions to be dealt with at once that they tend to drain everything in me and left me empty.

"I hate getting so sad to the point where my body completely shuts down and all I can do is just lay there and think about all my problems."
- @LifeInWord

The quote basically sums up me during my break so far.

I thought I have healed from the breakup. I thought I was doing fine. I even wrote about it in one of my previous posts but then I've realised that I haven't fully healed. Well, I'm healing but there are times when the pain comes back. To make it worse, I even got myself new wounds. It hurts so bad when you think it's okay to let someone in again just to end up being dumped again. The pain might kill you but hey, all those pain only drain me so I am not going to die. At least not now. I'm alive, but not functioning. Maybe I should turn into a full time zombie, would I get paid if I did?

"Hang ada apa? Hang ada aku."
And he left me too :')

So how to let people in again when the ones who are actually in your life are getting themselves out?

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